I’ve spent a hard time trying to write the things that happened this year and somehow, it felt very difficult for me because I was trying to write something that was totally a lie: I was trying too hard to make 2020 seems bad for me when in fact, it was one of the best years I’ve gone through. The pandemic affected a lot of people negatively and I would be lying if I said that it affected me as bad.
The concept of how life would still goes on in a middle of a pandemic is so hard to be grasped. There’s literally a deadly virus in the air and you still have to do everything that you’re supposed to be doing. Or at least that’s what I have to deal with for being a citizen of a shitty country.
And the fact that my life keeps changing even when I spent a lot of time inside my home is also pretty fucking absurd.
For starters, I managed to finish my thesis exactly a month prior to the lockdown. I finished the final defense the next month and eight months later I still haven’t applied to the online graduation ceremony because I literally give no more shit about it. Fuck you Universitas Br******a.
There was also a depressive phase of looking for jobs — in a middle of a pandemic, as a fresh graduate, with zero experience. It was so stressful that I gained 5 kilograms and went on a full rage mode. Fortunately it ended pretty good. I got accepted at an international company which allows me to do my work fully remote. Which means, I don’t have to go out. Which also means, I have more reason to go braless.
The next thing that happened was the weirdest one of all. If you scrolled down my profile you’ll find a post where I want my mom to start accepting me as who I am and blah blah blah. The most shocking turning point of this year was my parents accepting my choice of not wanting to wear hijab instead of kicking me out of the house and expelled me from Kartu Keluarga.
I also got in and out of a relationship after two years of healing. It was a nice relationship that ended in a very short time. I learned a lot of things and one of them was to stop normalizing being in discomfort. I knew exactly what I was getting into but still I do it anyway because I thought I could handle it. Jokes on me.
I love my little brother so much and I finally get to be around him again after four years. If the pandemic ends, he’s going to university next year and would leave me all alone with my parents. I have a lot of hopes for him, all of them are the good ones. I personally think he’s the most loving and caring child compared to me and my brother. Sometimes I wonder how the hell did he end up so well when my older brother and I have been keeping our role as the family disappointment seriously.
The next one would be reuniting with Fuku. He’s so much happier now that I give him all the good stuff: once in a month grooming, vitamins, the foods he wanted and the belly rub he deserves! He gained two kilograms and his fur? Is a total fluffy pillow now. I love Fuku so much I would die for him, unprovoked.
I also got healthier. A few days ago I tried wearing a pants that felt very tight earlier this year just to find out… I could fit in my pants again? I went to scale my weight and I lost seven kilograms?????? Aside from that, I got back on routinely doing yoga. It’s doing wonders! My posture, breath and strength is getting better. If heaven does exist, Yoga With Adriene would be the first ones to got a pass in.
All these good things of course didn’t come with sacrifices along the way. But that’s just how life goes, isn’t it? I would love to write them down but I really don’t have the energy to reconcile with the traumas.
I know this year might be a fucking disaster for you. I’m so proud you make it this far.
Here’s to surviving another year with blood and tears.
